Miranda Bowden |
I remember the way you laugh because mine sounds so familiar. I remember the way you smile because I scrunch my nose the same and my eyes squint. I remember the look on your face when you contemplated a question or thought, because we all look dazed or confused when we are deep in thought. I remember the arguments, the debates on topics that would never affect us. We were bull headed and stubborn and cut from the same cloth. I remember the flighty feeling you described. So much like your mother, knowing you would never settle long. I remember laughing at the jobs you would take for some reason or another or just because you could. I remember you calling me “big silly” because I was always smiling. I never let anyone still my shine. You made me promise. You made me swear. I remember the day we walked for hours and you told me life held no secrets, only the truths I wished to keep from myself. You asked me what made me “me”. I couldn’t answer just then and I never had a chance too. I remember you pushing my munchkin on the swings and teaching her the feeling of flying. She loved your embrace. She misses your face. When did you leave me? When did I cry? When was the day I would say you died? Tears flow when I think of my words scrawling across a page, knowing you would stay up late and read my stories like they were your own. I smile at your thoughts, I cry for my own self loss. I’m selfish when I remember why I wish you were here. Today is one of those days. I woke up wondering what my next step was, rather than feeling the freedom of just taking it. Tomorrow is my destiny because I would rather have today to remember yours! I miss you sis!