Quiet as a mouse I tip toed through the house, wishing I had a night light because stumping my toe twice is a pain that makes it very hard to keep ninja silent. With my Polo's tightly glued to my thigh, and when I say glued I mean Krazy glued, like that man in the commercial with his head stuck to a medal beam, but my head was stuck to my thigh, like a colt on a cowboy's left leg.
Finally, I reached the privacy of the bathroom and locked the door, but I still couldn't find the courage to turn on the light. Too embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror, I just stood there sticky with my toe still throbbing, like a Looney Tune character. As I felt around in the dark all I could do was think to myself "Why does she keep doing this to me?" She meaning the woman of my dreams. Sliding in, like a thief in the night, all pretty and perky, as I lay hand on my man, helplessly asleep. She pulls down the cover on my mind and begins to fuck my brain with the fantasy of perfect dates, no arguing and non stop Love making because she wants it, no menstrual....Period!!! She comes and goes, leaving me with one sticky ass mess to shout out. Damn!! Whatever happened to just counting sheep and that old trusty-reoccurring, "I'm falling" dream?
The first time it happened I was 15 and it shocked me into realizing that I was now entering into the kingdom of manhood. Wikipedia calls it "Nocturnal Emission," my Grandpa called it "firing with your safety off, son" and well the most of us call it "A Wet Dream." Now one would ask "Why be embarrassed about it? It's natural, emotionless, drama free, you can't catch the cooties from it and damn it feels good!!!" The answer is "I don't know, it just is." My question is "At what age will having this flood in the lower region no longer be a shameful cloud over my conscience? Will I be 70 years old trying to wheel myself quietly through the halls of some retirement home so that I could quickly, oops I mean slowly change my diaper?" Or maybe it's just another example of Gods practical prank side, I mean he or she did give us George Bush.
Whatever the case may be I guess I will just have to see the humor in it.........Starting now